ArthurKade.com

Many in “The Biz” have compared Arthur Kade to other “Honest” and “Quirky” media personalities like Joan Rivers, Ellen DeGeneres, Simon Cowell, and Paula Abdul because I say things that are not image driven and from the mind of a celebrity who believes in honesty and openness, so with the biggest award show in television happening last night (I can’t wait to actually be there winning awards year after year for the various shows I produce or star in), and I have even had meetings recently about putting me on the Red Carpet at events (Although it happened to late for this event so I am working on being placed for media interviews for the Grammys and Oscars with a MAJOR name in TV) because as one “Mega Bizzer” said it “I didn’t think I’d like you, but you’re pretty funny and have a likeable, made for TV, Personality”, so here is my thoughts on The Emmys “Kade Style”:

Here are some of the girls who stuck out for me and why with a special Emmys Kade scale:

Edie Falco-5.4-A tremendous fellow actor like The Brand who I loved in The Sopranos, but without makeup, she can appear a bit horrend (Normally a 5.0), but I have elevated her score because I think they did a great job with making her look younger with the make up, and hiding her body inadequacies with a non sexual dress. I love her hair because she looks less “Horsey”, and displays a very understated “I deserve to win but haven’t been laid in ages” look.

Jane Lynch-5.66-one of my fave character actresses in “The Biz” who is genuinely funny, and plays her manly looks into a successful career with a role on the hottest show on TV. The Dress was a great color because it makes her look a bit thinner although she def needs to drop at least 30-40, and the hair and make up was a great attempt to “Lady her up” because she can appear like a man. Gracious and deserving winner.

Kathy Griffin-6.125-Disaster! Arthur Kade has been compared to Griffin a million times because we are controversial, quirky, and make fun of fellow celebs, but the one thing we can not be compared to is our fashion sense. This dress looks like a Gen Pop special right out of Macys, and I have to really consider off of this picture whether there is a chance that Griffin may have been once been a man. I hate how her body looks (Looks like she is doing too many bicep curls), and her hair looks like a bad wig, and her make-up is melting off.

Claire Danes-8.22-I have never been a big fan of Claire Danes, but I have to admit she had a good “Kade Scale” night. Her hair color looks fab, and looks like she may have had some good lipo to hide her baby making hips, and most of all they did a great job with hair and make-up. She is still too tiny, but her shoulder line and arms look toned, and the color of her dress makes her look less pale and thinner. Def something worth taking home after a few drinks at the after party.

Archie Panjabi-7.056-I have never been attracted to Indian girls, but they did a great job with Archie (Maybe the most non-sexual name in “The Biz”) to make her look very understated and “Old Hollywood”. She has no sex appeal, and her lips look too thin, and nose too long, but the hair was a win, and the dress showed a body that wasn’t half bad. I love the length of her eyebrows (They don’t look too bushy which can be a common problem for Middle Eastern Women), and her waist is tiny with long toned legs.

Sarah Silverman-7.45-one of my fave “Comedy Crushes” (Girls who move up on the “Kade Scale” like her and Chelsea Handler because they are funny, raunchy, and have the “You can do whatever you want to me with body fluids” personality), but I wish I could cut her head off from this picture because its a Catagory 5 disaster. Her hair looks like she just left the gym and is very frizzy and undeveloped, and her facial expression and make up look like she just washed her face. I love how they propped her boobs up because they are hidden gems, but the dress color is very “Smurfish”, and makes it look like she is hiding a chair under her ass. I still think she could be a blast sexually though.

Padma Lakshami-7.88-This could have been a total win of you take away the mid section which either shows that she is sporting a major gut, or is preggers. She has great legs, arms, and a pretty “Classic Beauty” face, but the hair is way underdone, and I wish she was a little bit more tan. Overall she looks good, but would have been an 8.2 without the kangaroo pouch.

Olivia Munn-9.8-Almost an absolute win for one of the hottest up and coming stars in “The Biz”. Hair is flawless, dress color is perfect for her complexion, and there is a def “Megan Fox” quality about her where she is both “Hollywood and Stripper” hot (This is where you bring her to the show, have sex in the bathroom, and then she seduces and brings home another girl for a threesome for you), and I love the way her boobs look, her shoulder line and arms are pure glamour, and her face looks incredible. She needed better jewelry (Especially a hot necklace).

Nina Dobrev-9.45-Like Munn, they did a great job making a smoking hot girl look glamorous, by making her waist look tiny, using a great dress color to push off any paleness, and The Brand loves the bun hairstyle. She reminds me of a not as hot Emmanuelle Chiriqui, and it looks like she may have smaller boobs then The Brand likes, and she is also missing that “Stripper hotness” but overall a great showing

Lea Michelle-8.55-She looks WAY hotter then normal, and the hair just screams crazy monkey sex at the Vanity Fair after party (Best done hair of the night), her body looks long, lanky, and sexy, and she actually looks like Jenny Garner when she was still sexy in “Alias”. She has one of the best asses in “The Biz” (It’s medium size, but hard as an apple, and sits high on her body so that her legs look longer,and torso shorter, I love what she did with her lips making them look fuller and the necklace looks makes the outfit and screams “Dog in heat collar”.

Heidi Klum-8.6-She may deserve the “Kade Lifetime I need to make sure I stay hot and in shape” award, because she still has a better body then girls half her age. Her legs look incredible, but I feel like her shoulders and arms are a little anorexic. She looked younger and more fresh than she has in a couple years, and I love the hair and how it makes her face look a little longer because she can suffer sometimes from “Peanut Head” syndrome (Where a Gen Poppers head can appear to small for their body), and I feel like her neck looks too long. From the waist down she was the star of the night, but from the neck up there a some subtle trouble areas.

January Jones-8-This is a girl who exudes pure unadulterated “I Love crazy sex but if you cheat on me I will chop off your penis and sleep with your father” appeal because her name is soo hot it could be legendary in the porn world (There is nothing hotter then porn star names that are months, days, or seasons), and although her hair looks like its way too dry from being too thin and over colored, the dress color was a bit off because it makes her look a little too pale. She has a killer body, and super hot and sexy face, but she needs a little bit of collagen in her lips, and I would definitely make sure she always has a cigarette present to smoke. The length of the dress was a bit too much because she looks like a Star Wars character, and I think the paisley is dated, but with a proper “Kade Style” intervention, she could easily be a 8.3.

Eva Longoria-6.95-I have never gotten the big deal with her, because she has a cartoonish like quality to me because of how small and overdone she is, and her face and body are average at best. She has the “I’m the hottest thing here and I know it” attitude on her which only works when you are that hot, but she can’t pull it off and it ends up radiating as silly and immature. She also has the wanna be “Angie Jolie effect” (I am an actress but I want to change the world but make sure a camera is one me when I do it where at least Angie is very genuine in her intentions) and I feel like she demasculates Tony Parker and makes her feel like she is her child rather then her lover, and if she is like other Latino women I have “Kaded”, she may have a tough temper to deal with.

Diana Agron-8.9-love the dress, love the hair style (The color came out way too yellow and is piss color), love the attitude, and can definitely say that made the most of her looks. Lipstick radiates sex, her body looks great, and her neckline was the best of the night which is why they probably didn’t put a necklace on her. She has a very “Old Hollywood” look to her, and the dress layers radiate glamour. She needs to be slutted up a bit because she is lacking in the sexuality department, but for the purposes of an awards show, they did a good job

Christina Hendricks-7.75-looks a little too “Krusty The Clown” with a horrible job on make-up, the hair looks awful, but her boobs look amazing, and I am soo into Red Heads right now, so she may be getting a higher score because of my fetish right now. The bottom of her dress looks like a cat tore it apart, and it makes her ass look fatter than it is, but she screams “Threesome”, and the color of the dress is great on her complexion. She was an underachiever because she is prettier then she looked last night.

Anna Paquin-6.83-another actress who has many faults, and didn’t help her self with her outfit or make up because she looks extremely pale like a real vampire bit her, her hair is way too blonde, the dress does nothing for an otherwise average body, and the top of her dress looks armor she put on like she is going to get on a horse and have a chariot battle with a medieval knight, or going to a meeting with Julius Caesar and the Roman Senate. Black is a bad color for her, but the good news is that she isn’t smiling and showing her tooth gap which would have really made the pic bad. I also think her arms look a bit thick and that bracelet looks like she is using it to call NFL plays. The dress leaves me wondering whether she has great boobs or not?

Other Obserkadetions:

1) I think Jimmy Fallon deserves the “A-Rod Award” of the night for person who can’t carry a show, but is a great supporting character because he did a just OK job (Although this was one f the best Emmys in years in terms of comedy and originality and I am sad that The Brand couldn’t be part of it), and although I like him as a person and I think he would be great to have some beers with and pick up some NYC models, he is just not good in front of audiences or on Late Night. To host a talk show or awards show, you need a bigger then life engaging personality like Arthur Kade, Steve Martin, or Billy Crystal, and it just seems like he is out of his element when he has to carry a show or be the things audiences are focusing on He just doesn’t have that “It” quality like me, Stevie, and Billy.

2) I love the Modern Family win (It’s Married With Children on steroids), but Glee is the most overrated show on TV since Ugly Betty, although the concept is fun and original and taps into the whole High School Musical/Zac Effron market right now, and I love Ryan Murphy for his work on Nip/Tuck, but despite some character actors being solid, the show is just OK.

3) Larry David should have won the Best Actor in a Comedy award. I have worked with him recently on Curb, and he is a comedy genius and I want to do a show with him more then anyone else in “The Biz”. The Big Bang guy is funny, and the show is one of the most well written scripted series, but Larry plays a character that no one on else on Kearth can play, even Arthur Kade.

4) I really, really really want to see Temple Grandin

5) I think TV is in it’s best state in years, and the quality of the scripted programming has gotten much better, and with my show heading to air soon, it’s only going to get better.

“And the winner for Best Actor In A Comedy Series is…………Arthur Kade”….08/30/10