The Gen Pop asks me all the time how I am such an amazing judge on all that is “Girl Kingdom”, and I answer people, “It’s all in years and years of experience, because if you took you top 5 friends and added up all the girls, or the experiences they have had, I will still beat them in both,” and because of this, I have thought about approaching my Alma mater, Temple, and even offering to teach a class on Male/Female attraction, and “How to pick up any girl you want at any time” (I have become so selective that my friends are probably happy that I am not dominating the social scene in Philly right now, and I can finally pass off al that I don’t want to them). Whenever there are conversations around me regarding dating and sex, people always defer to my amazing knowledge, and believes that anything that comes out of my mouth is top quality, and leads to great sex.

Last night, when The Entourage arrived at G, I saw a Philly 9 (She had South Jersey Model looks with a great body at about 5’9″, great legs, bad tan, bad make-up, and was dressed a little blue collar, but with 10k invested and some Kade Seasoning could be a NYC 9.3 and had eye-liner that I wanted to wash off her face, because she had looked like a one night stand I had in Tampa that I never called again) in the Gen Pop Bar Area, and I approached her and her friend (Who was a 5, and I wanted to ask the bouncer to not let her in The Mogul Room so I could divide and conquer) and said “Come to the Mogul Room with me”, and their eyes lit up and they looked at each other, and they said “OK” (they obviously were attracted to me and couldn’t wait to haves shots with what one girl called me last night, “The King Of Philadelphia”) , but when we got there, the ugly girl cock-blocked me despite random shots and drinks, and they ended up leaving.

We partied all night in the “Ultra Exclusive” Mogul Room (Where I said hello to Eddie George and my new good friend Dom from Entourage who had to get up for church the next day) all night, and a situation arose that made me think about a topic that asked of me a million times (i could have an amazing column in GQ or Playboy or other sexual mags that feature A List celebs) about, and that I have never addressed in this world renowned blog that I write (people across the world like Rob Thomas have become fans, and now I am being told that The French have fallen in love with me and “The Journey”, and I wonder if they would fly me over for a celebrity appearance because I love Paris soon). There was a girl that I saw making out with a friend of mine, and then she approached me and said she wanted to make out with me as well, and I replied, “I love girls who like multiple hook-ups in one night, but it is such a turn-off when it is with friends of mine, because I don’t mix business with pleasure”, (I later found out that she had hooked up with ANOTHER friend of mine in the night as well, which would have been a Trifecta ((A Kadeism that means the art of hooking up with 3 men in one night), and I wanted to give the girl a High Five because at least she knew her role that night, and no one would take her seriously.

When my friends and I were talking about this today, I started thinking about my 5 biggest turn-offs that a girl has or does so here they are:

1) Kankles-Leg’s are such an important aspect og a girl’s body, and there is nothing worse than when a girl has no definition in her legs and looks like LaDanian Tomlinson. I remember when I met a girl at 32 Degrees in Old City in 2005, and we went to Lounge 125, and then I ended up with her at The Sheraton Society Hill, and when she took off her jeans, I saw that she had Kankles, and even though I was still stuck there and had to sleep with her, it was such a big turn off that I never saw her again (She stalked me big time).

2) Bad Nipples-Nipples should be the most beautiful surprise that a girl has when you are sexually intimate with one, and they should be perfect size and perfect color (They should be anywhere from .75-1 inch if the girl’s boob is from C-D). Sometimes Areola’s can be too big (Coke Can Nipples) too pink or too dark (especially on Irish girls, although I have taken such a liking to Red-Heads again), they can have too many bumps, and sometimes a loose hair or two, or the all time worst when the Button Tip is so long that it looks like a spear in a Javelin Contest.

3) Chopsticks-I hate when a girl doesn’t know how to use chopsticks, and because of this when I would take girls on a date back in the day, I would almost always take them to a Japanese restaurant, because if they had to use a fork, then I would never call them again (Although i dated a girl once who didn’t know how to use them and I found out too late) and it is one of those things that equates to the level of class and prestige that Arthur Kade must be visible with, and I have found a correlation to bad etiquette with bad oral sex as well.

4) Big Foreheads-There is actually in girl in Philly (She is a Philly 9.5 who is a mix of Megan Fox and Demi Moore with the most amazing personality and the most amazing sexuality although I would take her boobs from a Small B to a Small D to get her to my taste) that I am heads over heals in love with, and she is the most perfect looking and acting girl in Philly, and I was actually telling my girlfriend tonight, “I would actually date her and take her to dinners and even a movie, but the only thing that I might change about her is that her forehead is too big. I wonder if I could buy her hairplugs?”, but the problem is that she has a serious boyfriend anyway, although I am sure if I pushed the issue it would not be much trouble.

5) “Taint Hair”-This is the hair on a girl between the vagina and asshole and some girls don’t catch it enough, and make sure that it is as smooth as a baby’s bottom. Waxing is an art, and actually one of my stepmom’s best friends is the best waxer in Philly, but I have been with girls where I have gone downtown, and discovered that it isn’t perfect, and will wither send them over to her for a consultation, or make them do a self shave if they refuse, or I just roll out, “Kade Style”.

“I don’t date girls under a 9 because I don’t want a stain on my credit report”…Arthur Kade 08/23/09