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So last night I was texting back and forth with a girl I had met and hooked up with recently, and something weird happened that got me thinking about a funny topic that I should write about.  First, I will tell you about the situation, and then get into my thoughts…Welcome everyone to “The Friend Zone”.

I met this girl and thought she was very sweet and different, and the first night we hung out I ended up staying over, and I thought everything was cool for a potential next date.  After talking to Johnny Drama, he brought up a good question, “how can you take a girl seriously that you hooked up with the first night you hung out (This topic will be explored in a later blog)”.  I gave this some thought while watching the Lakers game last night (biggest Laker’s fan in the US, actually saw games during thier championship run in 2000-2002 at Staples Center), but realized that in this day and age, and this city especially, we all seem to hook up with eachother with a carefree approach.  Infact, I think both of us of have come to the point that it has become so frustrating that you can’t meet a nice girl in the city without knowing someone she hooked up with that you just can’t get out of your head to take them seriously.  I decided to ask the girl to hang out with me this weekend, and she told me that she saw us as more of a friendship, and I just wrote back that was totally cool because I am not one to ever really force the issue. I will say that she is an ultra cool woman, who I think could have had some potential, and since I never really ask anyone out in this city anymore, I was dissapointed that I was turned down.  

This led back to a conversation that I had with Latina Angel around what we termed as “The Friend Zone.”   Once you get into the “Friend Zone” its really difficult to get out.. and more importantly, you never know when it’s going to happen, but once it does, you’ve gotta pack up and move on.

I would define the “Friend Zone” as reaching a point with someone where even though there may be attraction or even sex, you see eachother as better friends than lovers.  It can happen at any point in the relationship, whether at the point of introduction, or even years into your interaction.  With my ex from 5 years ago, we reached this point 2 years into our relationship (and have still stayed very close), while I have many women in my life now that I will only view as friends, and vice versa (even if we have hooked up before).  This girl told me she thought I was a super cool guy, so I started wondering what turned her off?  Many girls I have in my life, I want only as friends because I would never want to violate or ruin the realtionship we have, and no matter how friendly a break-up can be, it still usually leaves you in a weird place with the other person.  I will say there are the exceptions, but I think you have to be very clear up-front that it’s only sex, with no strings attached or the person has to be ultra cool and know that it was just over and end it with class and dignity.

Eventhough I get a public rap of being a bit of a player, any one who gets to know me or has dated me will probably say that for the most part I am a very nice and caring guy, and out of the three relationships that I have had, I am proud of the person and gentlemen that I have been to these women.  I always say that the public Arthur, and the private Arthur are very different people, but I am very careful as to who I let in because I don’t want to get hurt or wronged.  Once I let you in at any level though, I believe that you are the type of person I can trust and count on. Don’t get me wrong, I have had my wild days, but I have only loved three women, and I look at back at our relationships with a great sense of pride and accomplishment for the most part.

So what is it that makes a woman push a guy into the “friend zone”?  Is is being too nice? Or is it that the girl hears about the guys reputation or gossip about him and gets turned off, or does the girl develop so much of a comfort level that she loses her attraction to the man and looks at him differently? Ultimately, I guess we are all looking for that “Bad” element because it gives us excitement and torture. My whole life, I seem to have always been attracted to the “Bad Girl” vs. the “Good Girl”…I would define the “Good Girl” as someone who is genuine, authentic, caring, self motivated, independent, and most of all giving; whereas I would define the “Bad Girl” as in-genuine, insincere, only looking out for number 1, usually money hungry, and usually pretty volatile.  Although these are generalizations, for the most part we can all think of someone who fits into most of these categories. 

It always seems that the “Good Girl” sees me as the “Bad Guy”, but they think I am a ton of fun, so they throw me in the “Friend Zone”, and vice versa.  This is what may have happened here or maybe she have just thought I was a total moron…But then I will be attracted to the “Bad Girl”, and set myself up for a period of torture and misery, but usually great sex and tons of fun…I was talking to Blonde Bombshell while writing this, and she said that sometimes there just isn’t that spark, or people may not be in the right mind set to hang out with eachother, but whatever it is, once you get in the “Friend Zone”, I think you may have to accept it and move on pronto….