I just returned this afternoon from my first post-employment casting call in NYC. While driving home from boxing class with Radio Babe (Joltin’ Jabs in Manayunk, he trains Charles Barkley and Demetrius Hopkins, and can be seen on Barkley’s reality show on the Golf Channel) yesterday, I received a call from Central Casting in NYC who asked if I was available to come to the city for a fitting for a major motion picture called Salt (Columbia Pictures). They wanted me to play background for two scenes on Saturday, and asked me to come in to make sure my outfit was acceptable for the scenes. The office is in Soho, so I called Ashley, my gorgeous friend from Montreal, who I thought was still in NYC to meet me for lunch after the fitting, but she had flown back days earlier. I drove up this morning, stopped in and got the go-ahead for my outfit, although the casting director thought it might be a bit fashion forward, and asked me if I had a more conservative black suit, but I haven’t unpacked any of my suits in the new apartment, so I guess this will give me a reason to unpack before I head out in Center City tonight. In the fitting area, there was a large number of NYPD suits as well as conservative business suits, and they shuttled me in and out in 10 minutes.
The woman also told me they may need to cut my hair because it’s too long for the scene I am featured in, and I told her that I can aggressively slick it back so that it isn’t so curly, but she said, “if it’s not good tomorrow, I’m getting the scissors to it.” I’ve spent 2 years growing out my hair, so I would hate to see any of it cut, but I guess these are the concessions an actor has to make for a role. I will be playing a mourner at a funeral for the Vice President of the US, and there will be some sort of running involved because she asked me if I am mobile enough to manage that, and I joked back that “I move like a cheetah.”
After I’m done with the shoot, I plan to meet Radio Babe and Samantha Jones out in NYC, because they will be out with a number of girls, so hopefully I can meet someone worthwhile. I will either grab dinner with them if the shoot wraps early, or meet them at 1Oak, or another hot club that they will be tearing up. Can’t wait for tomorrow!!
Here are some pictures from the casting call today.
I don’t even know what to say.
I am literally speechless.
The only words that seem to be forming are . . . “Mega-tool”.
Oh, and great photo of the elevator door.
I would like to thank the geniuses behind this immense hoax for the entertainment it is bringing to all of us. This has simply transcended the realm called ‘reality’ and entered the ‘tool zone’.
Yeah, I’m beginning to think this can’t possibly be real. This last one is just . . . well, TOO douchey to be believable.
That elevator door is totally bitchin, man!
You are offered a role as an extra – a nobody – and the woman asks you to cut your hair and you go all princess diva on her and start fretting that you have spent two years “growing it out”? Are you shitting me? This has to be fake.
First off, Butt Clown, your fucking hair would be a lot longer that it is if you didn’t cut it for 2 years. I go 2 months and it’s longer than yours.
You are even name dropping the fucking gym you go to! I can see a future posting when you have to call a plumber to your house and say “the plumber was totally amazing. He unclogs the shit from the toilets of Regis Philbin and Spike Lee, to name a few.”
Asshole!!!
The “Salt” you are being cast for is not the major motion picture starring Angelina Jolie. It is a low-grade gay porn and refers to the taste of all the buckets of cum you will be guzzling for 2 hours.
Unfortunately he is real. A co-worker of mine knows him and has had the pleasure of meeting him. It’s kinda sad. I wish he would read these just to realize his douche level.
I woke up this morning completely hung over and thought how amusing it would be to make a website that is like yours but follows the life of the anti-model (me) but (and I don’t mean this as a compliment) there is just no fucking way I could dream up shit that is half as ridiculous as what you really do in everyday life. It is simply flabbergasting. When I saw the business card and the Salt story, I knew I could never outKade you. Ever. You are that good.
Mr. Kade,
I hope they cut your hair short for the shoot and it all goes well. Then I hope a casting company calls you on Monday to offer you the lead role in the Sylvester Stallon movie and you can’t take it because your hair is too short and you blog about it.
I’m going to come to your boxing class and kick your ass next week!
-Float like a butterfly, sting like Baby B!
Top right pic – Arthur in drag (AKA Friday afternoons in the Gayberhood)
Bottom left pic – Distance at which Mr. Kade was held back from actual fitting (not pictured, security)
Bottom right pic – Unemployment Office
the saddest part is people like this will NEVER realize the level of doucheness they’ve reached. bet you a month’s pay he’s telling himself we’re all jealous!
Is that you donning make-up in the top right corner picture? Like I said before, career-wise it might be your best move (especially with Rupaul getting up there in age). It seems to have payed off already, landing you as an extra in that mourner role!
I understand,they probably wanted you to tone down the rouge and eye-liner a bit for the more conservative role, but the casting crew had to be impressed, nonetheless, when they saw you in drag here (on the left): http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3228/2922355537_a6e7357042.jpg
P.S. So that you don’t come across too “fashion forward” next time, stick with the pants suit– it’s waaay more conservative than a skirt. Also, make sure to change before you head to 1Oak, because dressing up like this is NOT going to help you “net” any top grade tuna.
Good luck getting the fishies to bite on your worm,
Gordan Fisherman
Certified Tuna Troller
Dude, they are totally worried that your enormous shoulders, fashion forward dress and fro are going to overshadow the whole scene and steal the film.
You better slick that rat’s nest down real well if you want to keep it!
Silvester Stallone called, he wants his toupe back, you skank.
It’s me again, Arnold Schwartenegger called, he wants his shoulders back, you doily.
I live in the American Gardens Building on Pine St on the 11th floor. My name is Arthur Kade. I’m 35 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I’ll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.
There is an idea of an Arthur Kade; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable… I simply am not there.
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don’t know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.
AK$ keep it real!
Team Kade,
Don’t worry about cutting your hair. I’m sure you’ll meet someone at some nightspot tonight that is on the cutting edge of pubic transplant. Or someone will know someone who knows someone who represents someone who dated someone who filmed someone who had it done. And that person’s probably famous. So you’ll shave your head and have the procedure just to be a bigger poser. You can blog about the whole thing tomorrow and kill two birds with one stone. Plus, pubic extensions would probably look better than that rats nest of a free haircut your mommy gives you.
Team Noto
Do you want some hot man salt on yer face?
When to douche:
After menstrual periods
After using contraceptive jellies & creams (check contraceptive package first)
To clear out vaginal secretions
directions;
1. Remove the sanitary overwrap.
2. Hold cap of bottle with one hand, grasp Comfortip® nozzle firmly with the other hand, and pull nozzle straight up until it clicks in place (douche is not ready for use until you hear this click).
3. Gently insert nozzle into your vagina, no more than 3 inches, and slowly squeeze bottle.
Dear Mr. Kade,
Throughout history there have only been a select few that have been able to unite, inspire, motivate, and propel the masses to take action, to change the collective behavior of a group, to provide the people with a common purpose–to make them feel that they are a part of something bigger then themselves. Most recently one is reminded of the crowds of people, the huddled masses chanting “YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!” as Barack Obama took to the podium. Before him we need only look back a little further to think of Dr. Martin Luther King in Washington D.C. “I have a dream…” Who among us could possibly forget Jesus as he began his “journey” with his apostles (I’m reminded of Radio Babe, Samantha Jones, Dolce et al). Or for those that prefer the O.T. (old testament) Mosses as he led his “jew crew” to safety, or for your beastialsodomist readers Noah and his ark. Yes my friend this type of presence and leadership is rare, in fact its so rare that these men and their legacies have stood the test of time. Their lives documented and written about, albeit it was usually by others and typically didn’t involve a blog, be that as it may, you are equally as special and important. You have single handedly created a social network of individuals that all have a common purpose…hating on you.
My only concern, and it is a small one that I hesitate to mention, is what happens in the very unlikely event that this doesn’t work? That you don’t make it big, that you are never accepted in either the gay or straight communities. Because history has demonstrated what can happen when someone with delusions of grander and a mild gender identity disorder has the pottery barn area rug pulled from underneath them. I would hate to see a person, no… a man…no a person with your abilities and power use them for evil. Think Adolf Hilter, he slicked his hair for the part as well. Or David Koresh, it took him 5 yrs to grow his hair out. Or worse yet Jim Jones (Jonestown) and his Kool Aid mass suicide, OK that may be a bit extreme, you and your crew wouldn’t drink Kool Aid…Appletinis.
Please Arthur, stay the course, don’t give in to the dark side or haters on your site…after all even Jesus was persecuted.
You Rock Man! (But you already knew that)
—A Fan
Oh he’s real. I’ve met him before, and I can confirm, he’s just as big of a douche in person. But you can’t really get a true sense of who he is, until you hear him talk. Some people would call it an effeminate lisp–like if you weren’t staring him in the face, you’d think he’s trying to talk with a cock in his mouth. Which, mind you, I’m sure he’s tried before. But I hear the acting market for guys like that are big–is Looney Toons looking for a voiceover for Sylvester? Arthur, say “Suffering Succotash” 5 times real quick. Then kill yourself you total douche. Nice nose.
Where the fuck are you, Arthur? I’m starting to worry that your enormous shoulders have gotten stuck inside of an elevator or something.
That could happen, that sort of stuff is only made to fit normal sized people.
I could not sleep at all on Fir night….I was waiting for the post on the “casting call”. He is – as we speak – at some gay club amassing retarded stories for us. Be patient. It will be worth it.
All right Kade…what the fuck? I have a powder keg of insults ready to go and the match is burning my fingers. You have forced me to go back to other sections of this gay blog to work myself up into a lather.
Note to Kade: your idiotic section “The Players” is really filled with a cornucopia of retarded stuff. We all know that Radio Babe is that utterly moronic GN Kang. I am sad to say I wasted another 8 minutes of my life going to her site. I know this is hard to believe but I think she is even more devoid of personality and even more of a “celebrity” whore than you.
I would call her a Female Kade but that is redundant. You think this twat is genuine and spiritual? Holy fuck are you twisted! She is the most empty and cunty shell of a woman I have ever seen. I know her type. They all seem to be Asians who think they are the hottest shit ever when they are just high-maintenance turbo cunts who are average-looking at best. If THIS chick is your best friend, you are in even worse shape than I thought.
I can just see you two little bitches sitting at a Starbucks gossiping and stabbing other club-goers in the back and singing the praise of Gerard Butler and Jaime Foxx – who seem to be the only two “celebrities” you have ever met – yet you are squeezing a lot of mileage out of them. I’d love to tie you both to the same cement block and sink you in a vat of Appletinis.
Fuck you Kade!! I need a new post to rip to shreds. You are a pox on my life. A nasty infected cyst that needs lancing.
Radio Twat in all her glory….celebrity copy cat? Perez Hilton Believer? Shoe maniac? MTV watcher? Tabloid Junkie? Yes…she certainly is spiritual and deep alright. Both of you are trapped at age 13 I think. If hate were people…I’d be China. She probably doesn’t even put cock in her mouth.
Radio Babe (G-N Kang) “biography”:
Born in Korea- Raised in Arizona- NYC Misser- Current Philadelphian- Blabber on morning radio (Chio in the Morning, Wired 96.5, weekdays)- Designer Brand Whore- Breast Implant Supporter- Adventure Seeker- Friends and Family Lover- Former MAC artist- MTV Watcher- Aspiring Skateboarder- Perez Hilton Believer- Insecure Queen- Back Scratch Consumer- Celebrity Copy Cat- Tabloid Junkie- Acupuncture Endorser- Deprived Traveler- Animal Kisser- Myspace Groupie- Dog Dresser- Bi-lengul Lady- Spoiled Child/Determined Adult- Forum Chatter- ADD Doodler- Girl’s Best Friend- Man’s Marriage Material- Photo Capturer- Oprah Admirer- Frequent Boxer- Mind Speaker- Sex and The City Addict- Nail Biter- Lightweight Drinker- Credit Card Debt Holder- Shoe Maniac- Beauty Product Tester- Big Heart- Master of Texting- Endless Crier- Fast Food Eater- Occasional Runner- Bed Hog.
Future Mom. Future Wife. Future Star.
It’s a damn shame there isn’t a .bag domain.
Any man who uses the term “fashion forward” is a raging cock gobbler. It’s a fact.
Matt Beauchamp, will you marry me?
Then will you help me go search Philly and NYC’s trendy tight spaces for Arthur’s enormous shoulders? I’m worried. And sad. My life is empty without his vapid soul to help fill it.
I found this online…The following is an excerpt from Tween Beat Magazine, “Future Stars” February 14th 2009 issue:
Tween Beat: What was it that made you come out and follow your dream of becoming an actor/model/entertainer?
Art Kade: Well as a boy on Sunday afternoons my mother and I would get together and watch old Rock Hudson movies, I thought he was very genuine as he portrayed the all american ladies man. Quite frankly I’ve held on to my Rock Hudson fantasies all these years.
TB: What would be the ideal role for Arthur Kade?
AK: Honestly, I would be excellent at many roles, anything from the T.V. Dad, like Mike Brady, the dad on the Brady Bunch, or a quick witted, fashion forward, womanizer type, like the role Neil Patrick Harris plays on CBS’s “How I Met Your Mother”
TB: If money weren’t an object what would Arthur Kade do with his time?
AK: I’d be outta this world…
TB: Huh?
AK: I kid, but seriously, if money weren’t an issue I would love to explore space, I was super excited a few years ago when I heard that Lance Bass was going into space. Interestingly enough, I met his former stylist at G lounge 2 years ago and she said he was one of the most amazingly human and genuine individuals around.
TB: I’m going to give you two words and you say the which best describes you or your interests…
AK: OK…
TB: Tunnels or Trains?
AK: Trains
TB: Holsters or Pistols?
AK: Pistols
TB: Dogs or Gerbils?
AK: Gerbils
TB: Last question…
TB: Were you aware that all of the celebrities you’ve mentioned were gay?
AK: I was not aware.
Folks, let’s face it, we don’t need another Perez Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Brandon Davis, or Paris Hilton dragging on America’s 21st-century cultural legacy! Well, up to this point, we have all been guilty of aiding and abetting Kade into his new role amongst these societal lesions. That being said, I do believe that most comments on here are directed to dissuade this douche from continuing to spread his pathogen of douchiness through the vector that is arthurkade.com, but it‘s not working!
Now, I know Arthur; I know he is a real person, but I’m starting to believe that all of this negative attention is exactly what he wants. It’s like electrocuting Godzilla– it just makes him stronger. Kade is both the diabolical marketing genius and real-life douche bag that is the culmination of our worst fears. I’d liken Arthur to the ex that won’t stop calling and harassing until the phone is picked up or the door is answered. The ex is pining for attention because attention equals emotional investment. Irrespective of the response, any recognition, whether it be hate, sympathy, love, applause or derisiveness, are all varying degrees of vested interest, and that my friends, is better than non-responsiveness to both the ex and to Arthur. All of the negative attention he’s received thus far has gotten Arthur interviewed, written about, and discussed by an ever growing amount of people.
With this knowledge, I implore all commentators of this blog to cease future replies, responses and visits on and to this website. Arthur is fast become an irritatingly itchy scab on humanity’s knees; and, like any scab, the only way to make him go away without leaving a permanent scar is to stop bothering with him, let him dry up and subsequently fall off the face of the earth.
I urge all of you to stop inviting this vermin into your homes and offices; stop allowing him to leave his vile, odious, and noxious presence to linger in our hearts and minds. Boycott arthurkade.com
As an expert on douche bags you are the douciest douche-bag I have ever come across. Please don’t stop.
Fashion forward = Fugly